She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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