Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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