So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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