so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
