I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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