By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
