i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
