I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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