I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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