The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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