I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is my gift to your gina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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