The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
