That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
