I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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