Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
