So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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