Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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