it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
should my penis look like a turkey
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
