I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
