You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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