guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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