I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
