Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
