worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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