i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
