You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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