apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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