need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
