his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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