You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
