This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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