R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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