I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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