i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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