It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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