I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When did angry sex become our thing?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
