brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
