i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
