I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize