Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
