i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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