I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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