He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
