The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
