I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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