I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize