When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm like, not good at living.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
