I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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