i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i now understand why vodka
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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