Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
