bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize