How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
