i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
