I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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