You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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