hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
