I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
