when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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