the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
