a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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