Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
