if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
