he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
