mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize