I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
