Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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