i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
