I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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