Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
