Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
