New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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