Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
