I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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