once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
