she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
