actually, I'm a sock model
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
