I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
