My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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